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Fog and the cold city

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Jun. 8th, 2009 | 11:44 am
location: San Francisco
mood: energeticenergetic
music: Beautiful, Akon

Finally back at a job where I can sit a computer all day I'm actually having time to just sit an blog.



So first, a rant:

Jared and I just moved to a new place 2 months ago. Much bigger, more windows, and feeling more like our own. It has been officially three years since we started living together, nine years since the beginning of our relationship. Marriage is always the first question people always ask us now. "Living in sin" always the first judgment we get from family and family-related people. Didn't I move from Virginia Beach to get away from this small-mindedness? It's strange how the older I get the more people want to tell me how to live my life. In college, I was told I had all these opportunities. Be whoever you want to be! Knock down stereotypes! Change the world! But now, what...I'm expected to be married, to have a settled career, and to want to have children. Yes, children. Plural. Good God, stereotypes galore.

I just don't understand this. All the past several years of adulthood have shown me is that marriages dissolve, love withers away, and children get caught in the middle. Why would I want to change my perfectly wonderful life with Jared and ruin it with marriage and kids. I mean, at least for the time being. Some people say that we've been together for a long time and that we should settle down already. I feel like it's still only the beginning. If we're looking at forever, nine years is just barely scratching the surface. I don't want to resent him one day because we weren't allowed to live our own lives when we had the strength, the desire, and the youth to do so.

In the back of my mind I wonder if I've just been scarred from seeing so many of my friends get divorced. Why are we all so rushed into marriage when we obviously don't know what we're doing?

NOTE: To all my successfully married friends, I'm not trying to bash. It's still a beautiful thing and I love you all for going through with it. Those of you who really know me know where I'm coming from. Where we're coming from.



Updates:

Landed an internship in the city with YogaJournal.com. Yay for free yoga sessions for the entire summer!

Working as support technical writer for the online learning department at SF State.

Moved back down the peninsula last month from the city.

Trying really hard to stick to a balanced diet (six mini-meals a day, walking everywhere, limited alcohol intake, and actually making use of my gym membership)

Car broke down twice and after both times of trying to fix it, seemed to just want to die again. my poor little "97 civic.

Seeing the Master's degree tunnel end shining a little brighter, but seriously considering a PhD program. I'm a masochist for staying in school for this long.

Broker than ever before. Happier than ever before.



Mom is trying to overcome some personal hurdles dating back to before I was even born. I'm so proud of her for never giving up. After so many years, she still thrives in the challenge where most people would have been content staying where they were. And...dad is three weeks deep in his quest to quit smoking. He's getting chubby and cranky, but at least his lungs are starting to heal. It's one of the biggest steps he's taken in quite a long while. Love him for it...even if he does yell at me when we talk on the phone.



I've missed being here. I forgot how therapeutic it is to write freely. Be back another day. Hopefully my old friends (and some new ones) here will find me.
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from: pqsolos
date: Feb. 17th, 2013 04:33 am (UTC)
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